Life is Unpredictable: My Spouse's Accident and Our Life Since
10/23/2019 - Originally written on archived website
Life was just bouncing along beautifully, and my whole family recognized it. That little voice in the back of my head, and pit in my stomach told me that it wont last long, and it never does. The universe likes to throw us all some pretty interesting curveballs, some are manageable, healthy stress...some shock your system. Our family just experienced the earthquake of curveballs.
I know I dont need to to share this information, but in a way it will be healing for me to process what our life has been like. Just putting it out there, on (metaphorical) paper, maybe I will be able to let go of some of the sad, angry, stressed, and fearful feelings that I have.
On August 15th, my spouse and I boarded a plane to Columbus to visit family, expecting to fly home that following Monday. We were so excited for a quick three day visit for family to meet our lovely daughter Ember. All was going well until the early afternoon of the 18th. We were visiting my mother-in-law's side of the family, at Jordan's grandmother's house. Jordan was accidentally shot in a target shooting incident.
It gets kind of gross past this point....read on only if you aren't afraid of a bit of a gruesome horror story (Hello spooky season!).
Jordan, his cousin, his uncle, his brother in-law, and his father when up the hill to do some target shooting with a .22, his uncle remembered that he had a .30-06 rifle, and announced to everyone he was going to go down the hill to get it and its ammunition. No shots had been fired that day. No one was expecting any shots to go off yet, not without a warning. Thinking the area was clear, Jordan walked around the truck on the hill to get his water bottle. To everyones surprise, his uncle was aiming at a target, scoped in, ready to shoot.
The universe had to work some interesting timing for all of this to happen the way that it did. Just a split second in time where Jordan crossed the path of the bullet. Even more so, the way that the bullet hit him. With such a high caliber rifle, the chances of him surviving this shot was very low. It hit his right (dominant) arm first, going through his forearm and into his abdomen. His arm saved his life. He sustained multiple fractures to the arm, missing several inches of radius bone, and a floating bone from his ulna. He also lost several inches of his ulnar nerve. As for the abdomen, he had two holes in his stomach, and a grade 3 liver laceration.
The ladies (including myself) were all down the hill, watching Ember play with all her new toys from the aunties and cousins. We could see what was going on, and unfortunately saw Jordans injuries pretty clearly. I ran as fast as I could to get to him, (gently) tossing Ember into one of the cousin's arms. When I got up there, I saw that Bob (Jordan's brother in-law) was putting a tourniquet on Jordans arm and abdomen, and all the men were helping apply pressure as needed. I will spare more details. It's a lot of visuals that haunt me...will probably haunt me and everyone who was there for a long time.
Ok...now the hardest part of the story is over.....an ambulance took Jordan to the nearest hospital, here they stabilized him and performed the first of 6 (currently) surgeries. They life flighted him to a Level 1 trauma hospital in Columbus a few hours later. He stayed in this hospital for about two weeks. It was a tough stay. It really hurt to see the person I loved, the man of my family in so much pain. Both emotional and physical pain. Having our, then seven month old, baby in the hospital everyday was also pretty stressful. She didn't want anyone to hold her and I couldn't take her into the ICU to see him. So there were several instances where my screaming daughter was left in the waiting room with a loving family member (bless them for dealing with the screaming!). Eventually they moved him to the TICU, and we were allowed to have more people in his room, including Ember. He received 4 more surgeries on his arm, one to apply an eternal fixator, two to try to keep it clean and remove any dead tissue, and the final one, to close the arm. Jordan left the hospital on the 31st, and we stayed with his parents in Ohio for OVER TWO MONTHS.
I am so grateful for all of the help that our family has offered us. His sister set up a meal train, family, friends, and community donated to his GoFundMe and bought fundraising t-shirts, and his father organized a benefit.
My mother has been my rock. Someone I cant vent to and cry to. I can be so honest with her about all my emotions. Some I feel guilt for and some that are just too honest to be told to everyone involved.
Jordan's parents have also been a blessing! We have been staying their home, not worrying about groceries or cleaning for these past few months. They have spoiled Ember with clothes (she was outgrowing the ones we bought!) and toys. Things that would have felt daunting on top of caring for Ember and Jordan....both unable to care for themselves for some time.
On October 3, Jordan had his sixth surgery. This is his final one for at least 9 months, until we can get idea of his healing and know how to proceed. The sixth surgery removed the external fixator, stabilized the floating bone with pins and plates, and replaced the missing bone with cadaver bone. This one sucked. He was in a lot of pain again, and staying a night in the hospital one more time was total hell. For him, he is lonely and sad there, and for me knowing my love is lonely, sad, and scared while I am in a comfortable bed....lots of unnecessary guilt has been felt during this experience.
Jordan is healing beautifully. His abdomen is completely healed up, and he has some very sexy scars from the gunshot, the laparotomy, and the jp drain. He still does not have function in his right hand (aside from slight flexion of his thumb), but is gaining motion in his elbow, shoulder, and wrist. Due to the missing ulnar nerve, he will never have 100% function again, even with future reconstructive surgeries to replace missing nerve. That nerve controls 13 of the 18 muscles in your hand, as well as feeling in the ring and pinky finger. I don't remember the math that our plastic surgeon told us, but essentially for as many inches are missing of the nerve, and how many inches a nerve will regenerate in a given time before it stops trying to heal....it just doesn't add up. I think Jordan has come to terms with this, although some days are very sad for him. I can just see it in his eyes and body language. The mental healing will be slower than the physical, I know this, he knows this. It is still so easy to get caught up in wanting to return to normal though....just hard to control that feeling.
We get to return home to our sweet little home, loving chihuahuas, and awesome roommate next week! It felt like this day would never come. We are so lucky that our roommate, Aaron, is so good with the dogs and he has done such a great job caring for them while we have been unable to return home. My employer has been FANTASTIC. I continued to earn my salary, even when I was not working at all for the two weeks Jordan was in the hospital, and they allowed me to work remotely while we have been out of state. Jordan unfortunately wont be able to return to work, so we created a GoFundMe to help pay for some of his medical costs, and living expenses since we have lost his income.
Boy are we excited and so incredibly grateful. Grateful for family, for friends, for an amazing community, and most importantly...LIFE. I get to go to bed in a few hours, kiss my baby and my man. Snuggle with them both and tell them that I love them. That is really what I find important. I will never look at life the same way after this experience.
GRAPHIC IMAGES BELOW
Do not read on if you cant handle it.
Just stop here.
Now for pictures of the wounds. Those with morbid curiosity such as myself, will find answers and healing in seeing Jordan's progress. Many wont...Jordan's family thought I was insane for wanting to see his wounds, learn to clean them and change dressings, as well as track the progress.
The first set was taken the day before we left the hospital.
One Month Later
Abdomen a month and a half after (Doc had not let us see his arm at this point, it was all wrapped up)
Photos taken at the first doctors visit where Jordan was allowed to take his "soft" cast off. There is quite a bit of dried blood, he had that thing on for four weeks after surgery and wasn't allowed to take it off, so everything kind of "sat there".
UPDATED December 14, 2019
Jordan has healed incredibly! The first one is a look at the exit point of the gunshot, and the scar from where the plastic surgeon pulled everything back together. Having seen the injuries myself....this is an AMAZINGLY impressive scar. So small compared to the mess it was after the shooting (Im trying to get the images of his arm before it was sewn up from the docs....we will see....). The second image is the entry point of the bullet (So small, for such a large exit point, right?! The damage that that caliber of a rifle can do still shocks me) and one surgical scar from when they did the most recent surgery to place a cadaver bone and plates/screws. Last photo is his belly. I know Jordan gets sad looking at it sometimes, but I keep trying to remind him that I find him incredibly handsome, and the scars add points! haha.
I am so proud of this man. He amazes me everyday with his positivity. He is back to playing disc golf, and it really makes him happy. That community of people are just amazing, I have met several, and quite a few have become lifelong friends. Jordan is a full-time stay at home dad, and is rocking it.
